We sat there looking at the numbers all together, the grand total flashing like a neon sign on the Vegas Strip.

$75,875

We were about to be married and had already had many conversations about our financial situation and the debt of student loans, a payday loan, and credit cards. My hope was to be home with the kids once we started a family.

We didn’t want the weight of debt on our marriage 15-20 years down the road. We didn’t want to become a statistic.

How Money Affects A Marriage

Ramsey Solutions interviewed more than 1,000 U.S. adults to find some of the following data:

• Nearly two-thirds of all marriages start off in debt. Forty-three percent of couples married more than 25 years started off in debt, while 86 percent of couples married five years or less started off in the red — twice the number of their older counterparts.
• One-third of people who say they argued with their spouse about money say they hid a purchase from their spouse because they knew their partner would not approve.
• Ninety-four percent of respondents who say they have a “great” marriage discuss their money dreams with their spouse, compared to only 45 percent of respondents who say their marriage is “okay” or “in crisis.” Eighty-seven percent of respondents who say their marriage is “great” also say they and their spouse work together to set long-term goals for their money.
• Sixty-three percent of those with $50,000 or more in debt feel anxious about talking about their personal finances. Almost half (47 percent) of respondents with consumer debt say their level of debt creates stress and anxiety.

Commitment Begins With Two

So we agreed to become partners that day. We committed to paying off the debt as fast as we could. We budgeted only the necessities and threw thousands of extra dollars at our debt every month.

My husband had a great job and I made good money teaching night classes (also doing TA work online) and working full-time during the day.

Our goal was to pay it off in a couple years. But then we discovered we were pregnant about 18 months into married life. A few months later our family suffered a devastating loss when my dad died unexpectedly. That year was a blur.

Giving Up Was Never An Option

But we kept at it. I didn’t want to go back to work after we had our first. My husband asked me to give it one more year. So I compromised and went back to work part-time while continuing to teach in the evenings.

When our son was 9 months old, we discovered we were pregnant again. I worked part-time at my day job until my third trimester. The teaching jobs were still there so I kept at it.

We chipped away at that damn debt, never losing sight of our goal to be debt-free. We could taste the freedom!

We kept ourselves inspired by listening to others’ stories. We kept learning together. We even competed at times to see who could use LESS of their spending money so we could throw it at the debt.

Yes, we had fights. Yes, there were tears. Yes, we felt like giving up or slowing down. We were tired of scrimping and thinking of how to use every dollar. But somehow we refused to give up.

Crossing the Finish Line

Lo and behold, 5 years and 3 months into our marriage, we clicked the PAY button on our last student loan. It felt freaking fantastic!

Please take a few minutes to watch our candid We’re Debt-Free video, recorded on that incredible day: August 10, 2014. I pray it encourages you to keep going towards freedom or to start down that path.

If you know someone who is struggling with their finances, struggling to communicate with their spouse, please share our story with them.

TAKE NOTE

What’s the most common word I used in our story above?

WE.

See, it took BOTH of us to make it happen. I needed him and he needed me. We were a team.

The best thing that this journey gave my marriage was the confidence and experience we were a team and nothing or no one could stop us.

We Play For The Same Team

Being on the same side. That’s GOLD in marriage, folks! Because everything can feel like you’re on opposite sides of the table, from how to raise kids, what crib to buy, when to start the kids in camp, how to spend time with family at the holidays, and on and on.

Now we’re another 5 years down the road with a grand total of 4 kids, celebrating 10 years of marriage this coming May. I feel freaking proud of US. We had every reason to give up on this lofty dream of being debt-free. But we didn’t. We believed that we could do it and we could only get it done together.

We’re leaning into new, lofty goals like running our own businesses and paying off this house in the next five years. How are we gonna make it happen?

Together. That’s the only way.